'Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself...'

Well I just got back from a six day vacation in San Diego yesterday. Had an excellent time while I was there. Most of the time there we just relaxed by the pool, but we took a little time out to drive around a bit and took some pictures which you can see here. We stayed at Matt's uncle's house in Rancho Sante Fe, which is just north of San Diego, and is a really high-dollar area as far as mortgage rates go. Matt and Ketti were watching it for him for a few weeks while he was on vacation in Europe with his family.

Going to watch Wall-E this morning with Daniel and Alicia and their kids. After that, hang out at Dennis, and sleep. No plans for the weekend just yet, but I should find out today if I have a date this weekend or not. It was Mike's birthday yesterday, so we'll probably celebrate that this weekend as well. Have no clue what to get him... Tami's birthday was on Tuesday, and I'll give her her gifts tomorrow.

It's Sam's last day at work tonight. I'm going to miss her quite a bit. She's been an awesome friend the last year or so since I transferred to conversions, and helped me get through some really rough times. She's going to be an elementary teacher, and I wish her all the best in her new career.

'the more I scream, the more it seems, that now I'm through, with the new you...'

Well the last week was fairly uneventful, as is this weekend so far. Most of my time is spent at work, or at home watching movies, and playing Oblivion or the Civilization: Revolution demo. I'm at work right now, bored as hell, and hope to get off in about an hour. Kaylea invited some people to hang out at her place tonight, so I'll probably stop by there and hang out for a couple hours.

It's Father's Day tomorrow, and Dennis' birthday, and somehow I'm going to have to find time to sleep, hang out with Dennis, hang out with Mike, and call my parents, all before going to work by 10pm again. Also need to pick up a copy of Metal Gear Solid 4, which came out Thursday. The reviews for it look pretty good, so hopefully it'll be something I can get in to.

50 more minutes... Yeah, I know you're not supposed to watch the clock... but there's literally nothing else to do right now... thank god I don't have to be here the full 8 hours...

Edit: Ugh... it seems they're not letting any of us go early :(

'So long, so long...'

I'd recently thought about, and discussed, how love expressed in movies and TV shows is so drastically different from how it is in 'real life'; and while using Google to try and see if my brother recently ripped off someone elses' poetry (I hope you'll take that as a compliment Pete... cause it is, LOL), I found a blog entry about one persons view of love, in where they also compare and contrast it to what you find in romantic comedies, etc. I highly recommend giving it a read, and since most of you probably don't want to bother clicking into another website, I'll post it here for you. The original source however, is here.

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In many movies, (typically romances and romantic comedies,) there is always a scene of exasperatingly-sweet suspense where the main character and the love interest shyly and somewhat unintentionally express mutual attraction for one another, and, as you watch the scene unfold, you think, Maybe they'll kiss, or at least hug…or something. But they don't. It's part of the movie, part of what makes the plot so enticing; you know they'll acknowledge their love for one another in the end, because their feelings, so obvious, are displayed on-screen for everyone to see and understand. Of course they'll be together in the end.

Reality is not a romantic comedy. Though it should be obvious, we often lose ourselves in television's exploits of our inner fantasies and desires, and we begin to think that movies aren't that far off from the real world. The Truth, however, is that relationships of love between real people, in real life, are much more complicated. No matter how talented an actor or actress may be, they cannot, simply with their words and filmed actions, express what the truth of true love is.
I have never known something so vividly pure, so breathtakingly incomparable, yet also so excruciatingly agonizing as real, human relationships. These kinds of connections are built upon many layers of several, varying types of one emotion: love. Love is the simplest thing in the world, yet the hardest to capture in its entirety because of its ever twisting, labyrinthine ways. Love is many things in one, all at once, ever-changing and never slowing down. Nothing in the theater can compare to the notes in reality's love song, simply because love sings in a language we can hear, feel, express, write, and speak…but never falsify. Love is the most mysterious, most irresistible feeling one can vainly try to resist. Love has a pull over us that cannot be broken by any means the world could offer; love is indestructible, but only if it's true.

Love can make you partially unknown to yourself, as it does to me, this very moment. I like to think myself courageous, independent, indifferent; yet here I sit, letting tears dry from my previously unfocused eyes, realizing that this love I feel flaring up from inside me is again introducing me to a stronger feeling than I've ever before felt in my life.

That moment of uncertainty in movies loses its charm in real life; if you watch the scene fifty times over, it becomes a familiarity, a predictable, even boring, occurrence. So is it when my very own scene of suspense plays: the first few times it's something new, something exciting. But after two-and-a-half years' worth of waiting for that moment of opportunity to arise, I find that certainty, assurance, and knowing the truth are much more valuable friends than the betrayal of the unknown.

Love complicates things. Even though that is just it's nature, and there's no other way for it to be, it doesn't give you any comfort knowing that you're waiting for something that might never make a promise to you; something that's a "maybe," or a "might."

Love is the only culprit, the only criminal in a crime of my own inner denial of wish-fulfillment. My own feeling of love, in the same moment, is as loyal to me as it is treacherous. It sends nighttime's heartsick tears to my eyes even as it illuminates a smile of bliss on my lips. What a price one must pay, to love purely; and even if I could force the love away, I would never attempt it. Even though it hurts as much as it heals, I couldn't imagine myself back in a past's world where I didn't have it blooming in my heart. It burns the flower's already-cindered ashes, yet from the black, dusty suffering sprouts a new, stronger bud that grows because of love's water and light caring for it.

In a way, love is like a flower. It needs a little bit of rain–and tears–to be real, but it is also in need of light, brilliant, dazzling light to help dry the rain from its leaves and coax it to grow taller, stronger, so it can be better prepared for the next storm. A perpetual, never-ending cycle.

Truthfully, I couldn't be more indebted to love: because through it, I am able to experience this new, before-unexplored feeling. Through it, I can discover pieces of myself I was not acquainted with before; new friends that tell me what I desire, what I need, and what I deserve. Though it blinds and wounds me sometimes, I cannot pretend that it isn't worth it to feel such love. I cannot pretend that I would be better off without it. And yet, sometimes, I think it would be nice to be sure of it, to be as certain as the main character is in a movie; that her love is returned, that she has nothing to fear, that her heart's whispers will become spoken truths, in the end. It would be fine, indeed, to say adieu to all the worries, trials, and fears of rejection that come along with such a feeling of love.

As I said before, this life's love is not a movie, and never will be; and though it often seems glorious and wondrous, sometimes I can't help but wonder what it would be like for me, right now, if I was just a real-life actress in my own real-life blockbuster, floating, happily-ever-after style, on metaphorical clouds and sharing such infinitely precious truths with the inspiration of my love.

But…I won't try to find out what it would be like. That's another thing, about this love; it's cautionary, it protects me even as it pushes me into the light of the world. It guides me as I try to make my way through its tangled vines. And though I suffer much from it, the purity of it is enough to keep me from abandoning it. It may burn and singe, but it also heals the scars.

What conclusion can you possibly receive from such an article? Well, perhaps one very simple, yet impossibly complex truth: The true kind of love is to be accepted; it is to be cared for and expressed, not shunned and denied. It is to be cherished, and respected. And, most importantly? The truth of love is to be understood. Because everything, especially love, is worthy of unspoken acceptance.

'For what I've done, I start again...'

So, what's been going on lately... not a damn thing really. Got Windows Vista installed finally, so I'm playing around with that a bit, though still using XP as my main OS until I get more comfortable with Vista. Working lots of weekends to try and get some cash back into the bank so it can be spent again. Trying the whole cooking at home thing again to attempt to save even more money, as well as giving myself something to do as I've been extra bored lately. I normally spend anywhere from $5-10 on food a day, so I'm hoping to save quite a bit of money. If I don't, then I really don't see the point in cooking for yourself... I've also stopped buying soda and snacks at work almost entirely, and I voluntarily drank a bottle of water for the first time in... probably 5 years or more the other day...

No trips or concerts planned in the near future. I passed up the opportunity to buy tickets to Linkin Park, which some of you may know is one of my favorite bands. I think it's a combination of the fact that the concert is in the hottest month of the year, in an outdoor venue, costs $70 for pit tickets, and my current, but hopefully temporary, disappointment with their new album 'Minutes to Midnight'.

I bought a 4GB Meizu Miniplayer in an attempt to make exercising and sunbathing more entertaining, which will hopefully get me to do both of them more often. Unfortunately I bought it at Walgreens as it was on sale for a mere $99, but it took over a week to ship, and now it's been a week since it shipped, and has yet to arrive.

Saw Spider-man 3 last weekend. Good movie, but not quite what the original and #2 were I think. Still definitely recommended though. Going to see Shrek the Third today with some friends after a little basketball (yay exercise!). Not sure what I'll do the rest of the weekend. Hopefully I can work, if not, maybe hang out with Stacy if she's not doing anything. Dennis is going on a cruise the entire next week. Maybe hang out with Ron again. We hung out last weekend but I ended up falling asleep at his place almost immediately as we got there I was so worn out.

I need to think about what I'm going to do with my vacation time. My brother wants to do a road trip to Montana around July, so I'll look into that. I need to find out if Stacy still wants to go to Vegas for her birthday. Now that she's back with her boyfriend, that may not happen. It's only a few weeks away anyways... and I may not have the money.

Oh, and my dad finally got a new job. He's going to be working for GlaxoSmithKline (GSK), which is a giant health care company, and one of their main labs is near where my parents moved to a year ago to help take care of my grandmother. He had been working for a heating and air conditioning company, which he's been doing for the last 20 years or so, but they were paying him very little, and giving him very little hours. At GSK he'll be part of the initial stages for setting up some kind of vaccine for cancer or something, which is a far cry from the HVAC industry he's used to, though I think he did have some schooling as a biologist, but seeing as that was well over 30 years ago... Anyways, it sounds like an excellent opportunity for him, and they pay, hours, and benefits are all quite good, so I hope everything goes well for him there. Oddly enough, the company I work for does the tax work for GSK, as well as Starwood Hotels, where my brother is employed.

Also, I recently signed up for Blockbuster's Total Access movie subscription plan, so I'm looking for any and all suggestions of what to watch. Keep in mind that if it's a big movie that came out recently that a lot of people have seen, I've probably seen it. I'm mainly looking for movies that probably slip under the radar, including foreign films. I can watch and enjoy nearly anything, so please keep that in mind before throwing out an idea.

'You tell me that you care, but when I need you, baby... you're never there...'

Ok, this is probably the longest blog I've ever written, and you might want to make sure you have some time on your hands before sitting down to read it. This entry is a little different than the the past ones I've written. It's about a girl I was seeing for a couple months at the end of last year. It is not about the girl discussed in the last few blog entries. I'd never mentioned this girl in a blog until now because at the time, I didn't want to jinx it, and partially for fear of it being discovered, though I think that fear was a little unfounded. Anyways...
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Around November of last year, a girl named Brittany contacted me through MySpace saying she had seen my page and thought I looked like a cool guy, and was just saying hello. I thanked her for stopping by and said that I couldn't view her page because it was set to private. She added me as her friend, and we messaged each other quite a bit for the next few hours. I ended up cutting it short though, as I had to sleep, and I told her that we shouldn't burn each other out on the first day of meeting each other, and she agreed.

So the next day we were back at it, and we really seemed to hit it off, and had a lot in common. Eventually she asked me when we were going to hang out, and I was caught a bit off guard, but I told her whenever. The next day she asked again, and eventually we made plans to hang out that Saturday.

Date #1

So Saturday came, and we went to dinner. She happened to be near my place, so we decided to go up near the Arrowhead area to eat. Originally I'd wanted to go to The Cheesecake Factory, but when I got there, the line was insanely long, and when I asked, I was told there was an hour and a half wait for a table.

I ran over to The Elephant Bar next door, and was in luck. Only a 15 minute wait. Dinner seemed to go well. There was never long periods of silence or anything, and the food was good.

Date #2

I called her that Sunday evening to see how her day went and she asked if I wanted to do something Monday. So Monday came, and we ended up going to dinner again. She'd asked if her sister and sister's boyfriend could join us, which I was surprised again, but said sure. They didn't come, as the boyfriend wanted to stay home, but that was fine with me. The less people around, the more comfortable I am, unless they're people I know.

This time we went closer to where she lives (Goodyear), to Macayo's, a decent mexican restaurant. The food was good, but there's not much mexican food I won't love, so take my opinion with a grain of salt =P. She looked exceptionally cute that night. She was dressed more casual than the last time, and had her hair pulled back behind her ears, and a little bit in the back was pulled and tied with a rubber band into a little pony tail. She'd done that because she drove her motorcycle there, and didn't want to mess up her hair.

While we were eating, she invited me to go to her sister's 23'rd birthday that Wednesday. As I said before, I'm not real comfortable around lots of people I don't know, and I think I told her that I'd go, but not sure how social I'd be, but she said I could at least keep her company, which is all I wanted to do anyways.

So things seemed to be going really good, if not a little on the fast side. She seemed a bit aggressive, which, as long as it's not out of desperation (doesn't seem like it at all, she's got no reason to be) is just fine with me, as it takes some of the pressure off me having to take the initiative for everything. She turned 20 on the 2nd of January, so she was kind of young, but I had no problem with that . She had recently bought a Kawasaki Ninja 250cc, which is pretty damn hot. Got to love chicks on sport bikes. She's quite good looking. She has some pics on MySpace (pic - She's on the right, her sister Heather on the left), but they're a few months old I think, and her hair is a different color now (brown, used to be really red) and she looks even better in person.

Some negative things that I'm normally turned off by is that she has a tongue and lip piercing, and she smokes, but I was willing to look past those things.

The Birthday Party

The birthday party went pretty much as I thought it would. I went over to her apartment early to meet her before the party. It was a pretty nice complex. It's basically a bunch of single story apartments, surrounded by lots and lots of trees and bushes, etc. At night it seemed like I was walking around in a village in the jungle or something. Anyways, after I got there, I waited for her to finish getting ready. Her sister was there also. It's actually her sisters apartment. Brittany had moved down from Colorado back in June or July because of troubles with her ex-boyfriend, and moved in with her sister.

So we went to the place where the party was going to be. I forget the name of the restaurant at the moment... We stopped in at Safeway first and bought some balloons. We stood outside the restaurant and talked for a while until her parents showed up, and we talked with them until her sister and sister's boyfriend showed up, as well as other people that were coming.

The food was pretty good. I forget what I ordered, probably whatever kind of Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo they had. As usual, I was quiet most of the time, though occasionally I would talk to her parents about various things. They both seemed really cool, very laid back, which made it a lot easier to talk to them. I didn't even talk to Brittany much while we were there. Just sort of hung out. Near the end she could tell I was bored, and started tapping my leg with her foot and smiling. I just smiled back.

Finally we left, as I had to work that night, and we'd come in her car, so she had to drive me back to her apartment. We talked the whole way back about her parents and sister, and probably some other stuff I can't remember. She tried to apologize for me not having fun, but I told her I wanted to be there, which was true. I wasn't there to have fun. I knew before I went that it probably wasn't going to be. I was there because she invited me, and I wanted to be with her. When she hugged me, she put her arms around my neck. I'd never been hugged like that before, but I liked it quite a bit.

After that, I went on vacation to Washington and Montana for Thanksgiving. Although I called her twice while on vacation, I never got a call back, and as a typical guy, started questioning myself about where I went wrong, why wasn't she calling, etc. All these worries were put to rest as soon as I got back though, as less than an hour after I got home I got a text asking when I'd be back home so she could see me again. It was an extremely good feeling to feel wanted, even if only in the slightest amount.

Pottery, Cheesecake, and the Mayans

I don't think we saw each other for at least another week, possibly two, it's too far back now to remember how long it was. Eventually though, I'd been invited to a sort of open house thing my supervisor was having. She does pottery as a hobby, and sells it along with other people she knows. I'd originally thought it was a kind of party, like a Tupperware party or something, but it was more like, as I said above, an open house, with a bunch of pottery on display for sale, and you could watch how they make it, and walk around the shop, etc.

Anyways, I invited Brittany to come with me, at the suggestion of my supervisor (Jill), and to my surprise she actually said she'd go. I kept thinking that when the day finally came, she'd eventually cancel, but thankfully that wasn't the case. When we got there it was pretty void of people, other than those actually selling the pottery, and Jill. She showed us around, and talked about the various tools and processes that goes into making the pottery, as well as made a vase on the wheel.

We were there for about half an hour, and it didn't seem like Brittany was having a good as she hadn't said a word since we arrived, but when I asked her if she was ready to leave, she said no. She seemed to open up after that, talking to Jill a little bit about various things, mostly off the subject of pottery. After being there about an hour or so, I asked her if she wanted to grab something to eat, and she said she did. I'd originally asked my friend Mike earlier in the day, if he and Tiffany (his g/f) might want to have dinner with us, but when I called him up, he said they were already back at his house, so they wouldn't be able to make it.

We went back to The Cheesecake Factory, and this time there wasn't nearly the time to wait as before. I think we were seated almost immediately. We talked for a while while waiting for our food, and while eating, and after a while I guess I was silent long enough that she asked if I was thinking. I told her I was always thinking, and she replied something like "So, fill me in!". Of course I wasn't going to fill her in, because all I'd been thinking about since Macayo's a few weeks before was about how much I wanted to kiss her, and whether or not she was in to me or not; so I just smiled.

As we were finishing dinner, I thought about how much I didn't want to take her home just yet, so I asked if she might want to see a movie. She did, so we left and went to Harkins down the street. We were looking at what was playing when she asked me what I wanted to see. I mentioned that I kind of wanted to see "Apocalypto", because I love Braveheart, and Mel Gibson directed it. Immediately she says "ok, lets see that" before I could even look at what else was playing. I'm not even sure how long the movie was, but judging by Braveheart's length, it probably wasn't short.

While we were watching the movie, I kept thinking about whether or not I should hold her hand or something, but being the nervous wreck that I am, I kept convincing myself that she'd pull away, and the rest of the night would be awkward. So instead, we just sat there watching the movie, which wasn't nearly as good as Braveheart, but worth watching. It's definitely not a date movie though, and after a pretty good section of violence, I made a comment about what a great movie I'd brought her to

So, after the movie, I drove her home, and walked her to her apartment. We hugged, and said goodbye, and afterwards I kicked myself for not trying to kiss her.

I didn't see or hear from her again for yet another two weeks, as the next weekend was my vacation with Mike and Tiffany to Disneyland, during which time I bought her a charm bracelet, and ordered her Christmas present from Build-a-bear.com. When I got back, she wanted me to come over Christmas night, but she ended up falling asleep at her parents, so I went over there two days later.

John Grows Balls, Albeit Tiny Ones

So I went over there to give her the bracelet and her Christmas gift, which she loved. She told me to pick out a movie to watch, so I picked "The Fifth Element", because it's a bad ass movie, and I've known girls to enjoy it quite a bit as well. After that was over, we were just watching an old school James Bond movie on TV.

I'd really been stressing myself the last couple weeks about wanting to kiss her, and for what seemed like an hour or so, I kept telling myself "ask her, ask her, ask her" etc, and while I was trying to convince myself to ask her, shit kept happening to prevent it, like she'd get up off the couch, or answer her phone, or the cat would jump up, and it was so frustrating, and then, of all things, she gets up to go have a cigarette, and that really sucked.

Finally I got up the nerve and asked if I could kiss her, and she said yes . So I kiss her, and we kissed for a while, and to me, she didn't seem to want to stop, so i didn't . I guess I was smiling a lot while we were kissing, and she asked if I was going to keep smiling the rest of the night, and I said "probably".

Eventually we stopped for a second and she was like "Now how long have you wanted to do that" and I was like "quite a while." She asked if she made me nervous, and I told her that I'm always nervous. She said I really didn't have anything to be nervous about at all. She asked me why I was nervous, and I told her because I didn't know what the hell I was doing. "What do you mean by that?" she asked, so I told her she was the first girl I'd ever kissed, and she was kind of surprised by that, and asked why. I told her it was probably mostly because of low self-esteem I guess. I asked her if she had been starting to think I'd never kiss her, and she said a little. Then she asked me if I thought that she would've said no, and I was like "a little" .

I told her I wasn't sure if she was even interested because she would say things like "we should hang out more" and then I wouldn't hear from her for two weeks. She apologized for that, saying that she has a hard time calling people for some reason (which I do to) and some days she gets home from work and has a ton of missed calls and she just doesn't want to deal with calling everyone back. She kept telling me she was worried I was going to get sick because she's been sick for the last couple weeks, and I told her I didn't care, it'd be worth it. So then we just laid on the couch for a long time holding each other and talking occasionally, kissing some more. Good times.

She had to go eat dinner with a friend around 5, so when she went out to go warm up her bike, I went out with her to leave. She asked if I could come back the next day, and I said I would, trying hard to keep from showing my excitement. So we hugged and kissed goodbye, and like clockwork, as soon as I get in my car, Dennis is calling my phone, so I answer and tell him how things went, and he got all excited and shit, lol.

The Beginning of the End

Well, the next day didn't quite go as planned. Brittany had to go pick up her sister and her sister's car, because it'd been in the shop for a week. We were going to try and see each other afterwards, but it took longer than she thought, and she said we probably wouldn't see each other that night, but she'd have a little bit of time tomorrow.

The next day didn't go any better. I texted her when I woke up, saying I'd be over in an hour, and she said that was fine, but that she wouldn't have much time as she had a nail appointment at 2, and was supposed to have dinner with a friend at 5. So I said maybe we should wait until the next day, and she said that would be good, but she wanted to stop by and pick up her hard drive.

I had the hard drive to try and get the pictures off of it so she could reinstall Windows, as it had crashed a week before. I'd told her I could get the pics off, which she'd previously thought would be lost. Well, when I took it back to my place and hooked it up, I began to smell burning, and all of a sudden a small flame came off the PCB, and I immediately unplugged it. So much for the pics. So now I felt like shit, so I went to Fry's Electronics and bought a brand new 300GB drive to replace it. (The original was 80GB). I still felt like shit because I never got the pics, and now I looked like I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

So I told her that was cool, and gave her directions to my place, and immediately began cleaning the hell out of my apartment. It wasn't so much dirty as it was just messy. Mostly just tons of boxes and shit everywhere from Christmas, and things I'd bought the last six months, etc. I didn't even know if she was going to come in or not, but I wasn't going to take that chance, and I'd been meaning to clean it for the longest time anyways.

So roughly 3 or 4 hours later, she came by, and I met her outside, as the new drive was still in my car. After I gave it to her, I realized that the mounting plate was still on her old drive, which was in my apartment. I told her I had to go grab it, and she asked if I wanted her to come. I shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't care", and turned to walk to my apartment (stupid decision #1). While walking to my place, I was walking kind of fast, and probably well ahead of her, without saying a word (stupid decision #2). When we got there, I just walked inside and went to my bedroom to grab the drive. She waited out in the living room, and I handed it to her, and said I'd see her later. She paused for a second at the top of the stairs and reached her hand out to me, motioning to come over. So I gave her a hug, and she left.

As of this posting, that was the last time I saw her. I tried to see her on New Years Eve, but she messaged me back saying that she wasn't in the mood, that she was having problems with her sister, which I took to mean that her sister was upset because she wouldn't be with her boyfriend for New Years, since they'd had a big fight a few days before. I got kind of upset, and replied back "it's New Years...", whining like a little kid not getting his way (stupid decision #3). She replied back simply "I know".

Her birthday was on the 2nd, and I'd been out with a friend the night before, and didn't end up getting home until 5. She gets up at 5 to go to work, so I texted her "Happy Birthday". Later that day I called to say it in person, but got her voicemail. I left a message saying happy birthday, and apologized for being a little selfish the other night for not thinking of her sister. A co-worker later pointed out that her sister is an adult, and should act like one instead of bringing down Brittany's New Year as well, which is true, but I was still being selfish.

I never received a return phonecall, and didn't hear from her for over a week until I finally sent her a message on MySpace, inviting her to go up north to play in the snow with some friends and myself that Saturday, and if she couldn't make that, I was thinking about checking out Kartchner Caverns, which is a cave system a couple hours south of Phoenix on Sunday or Monday (MLK day). She replied back saying her friend had a race on Saturday, and she had to work Monday, so she didn't want to make plans and have to cancel on me. I wasn't real happy with that answer, having not seen her in over two weeks already. I replied that I was reserving her next weekend before she could make plans, and she then said that she wouldn't even have a free weekend for two weeks.

I then text messaged her to call me after she got off work. Initially she replied that she would, but then a few minutes later another text came that said she was going to be busy after work. Now I was really starting to get frustrated, as it seemed that regardless of how much I tried, she was coming up with excuses for not doing being able to call or hang out. I texted back that I was sure she could find 5 minutes of time, to which she replied "Why only 5 minutes?"? WTF? Didn't she just imply that she didn't have any time to call me at all? I replied that I was looking for at 'least' 5 minutes, since it seemed like the more I got to know her, the less time she had available. She replied with "Are you mad?". I suppose I may have been a little, but it was out of frustration, not anger. I told her "no, call me", and she said she would.

No call ever came. I half expected this, but was still angry that I seemed not to be worth even 5 minutes of her time. I was convinced that I was going to drop her birthday present off the next morning on her back porch, with a thank you card saying that I had a great 5 days, but if I wasn't worth 5 minutes of her time, then I was wasting mine. At work that night, my friend Angi convinced me to do otherwise, and try to get her to explain what was going on, and where we stand as far as a relationship was concerned, even if that meant getting her to explain via MySpace or text message, if that was the only way she was going to communicate.

So I went home and sent a message, telling her that I'd wanted to date her, and I thought she wanted the same, but because she wouldn't call or make time for me, I was starting to have doubts as to where this was going. I tried to make it sound natural, and like nothing had gone wrong, and even mentioned that I'd see her in a couple weeks when she had her free weekend, and that I still had her birthday present for her. I figure I didn't have anything to lose, as I'm sure it's over with anyways.

I've had a number of people tell me to just forget about her, but it's hard for me to believe she could seem so interested one day, and gone the next. Stacy says she's likely just using me because I happen to be there, and she's just having fun. Basically I'm something to do.

She wouldn't get the message until at least Monday, as her computer was still down, so the only way for her to access MySpace is through work.

So Monday came, as did the reply, and basically she just said she was sorry, but she was just really busy right now, and didn't have time for anything. So, I decided to give her a second (or is it third, or even fourth..) chance.

Last Chance

Two weeks go by without a word, and the Saturday we're supposed to go to dinner has arrived. I'd messaged her a few days before, saying I wanted to check out (restaurant), as I still hadn't been there yet, but I'd heard it was pretty good food, and a lot for your money. She'd said that she would have to see if she was feeling well, as she'd been home sick for the last couple days.

So I called her on Saturday, and I was shocked when she actually answered the phone, having not spoken to her since December. Unfortunately my hopes were quickly killed when I asked if she'd be able to go to dinner. Just as with everything the last month, she had another excuse of why she might not be able to make it. This time it was because she was supposed to go with her sister and sister's boyfriend to get him a cellphone, only they were at a movie at the moment, and she didn't know when the movie started, or ended, let alone when they'd be back from the store.

So about an hour and a half later I text messaged her, wondering if she'd heard anything. No reply, so I TM'd her again saying I was going to a birthday party, but would only be there an hour or two, and maybe I'd see her afterward. No reply ever came.

About a week later, the following conversation took place via MySpace...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

John: Why is it so difficult for you to just tell me you no longer want to see me?

Brittany: Its not that, I'm just busy, you shouldn't jump to conclusions. I told you from the beginning that I never really have time for anything, not even myself....

John: You keep saying that, but I can't imagine anyone not having any time at all. It's been a month since I've seen or talked to you. That would cause anyone to start asking themselves questions.

If you wanted to see me, you would find the time. If our positions were reversed, and I were the one that was busy, I would find the time. I want to believe you, but the more you don't call, the more you don't show up, the harder it's getting to do so. I don't need to have dinner with you every other night. I'm not asking for that. I'm just asking for you to show me that I'm of some kind of importance to you.

A single text message asking how I'm doing would've been more than you've given in the last month. How then, can you say I'm jumping to conclusions, if you can't even find the time to send a text message?

Brittany: Your not my boyfriend, I'm not obligated to do anything. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I'm not looking for any kind of commitment here. I never was, I just got out a really long relationship not very long ago. If you don't like the way I am then don't talk to me. I'm not changing my life, plans, and flaws for someone I hardly know.

John: I never said I was your boyfriend. My friends are important to me. I make time for them. If I felt like my friends were avoiding me, I'd start wondering about them as well. I don't want you to change your life anymore than to at least include me in it.

I just don't want to feel like I'm being used to occupy your free time.

Brittany: What free time....

John: How can I make plans two weeks ahead of time, and you still end up having something else to do instead?

Brittany: STUFF COMES UP AND I'M NOT GOING TO ARGUE OR JUSTIFY MYSELF TO YOU ANYMORE. EITHER TALK TO ME OR DON'T.

John: I am talking to you. The only reason we've been talking at all is because I've been trying to talk to you. I'm trying to understand, and what I don't understand is how your sister's boyfriend's cellphone is of so much importance that you'd blow off plans that had already been made weeks before. Would they not understand if you told them that you already had plans?

You said you don't have any obligations because I'm not your boyfriend, but friends have obligations to. You're obligated to call back when someone calls you. Your obligated to do your best to come through when you have plans made. What kind of friend continuously fails at both of these?

Saying that you don't have to justify yourself is only saying you really don't care at all.

Brittany: well right now I'm annoyed so no i don't care.

John: No problem. We'll talk some other time then. Have a good day at work
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don't plan on trying to contact her any more. Currently I'm seeing someone else, who seems far more willing to spend time with me. I hope you enjoyed living vicariously through this blog entry

'I cannot believe we'd ever die, for these sins, we were merely freshmen...'

Well, it's been sort of a roller coaster of a weekend for me. It started Friday night, when DJ got a call here at work around 3am from Dennis, that his (Dennis') dad had stopped breathing. He'd been in the hospital since before Christmas due to his foot being amputated because of diabetes, and his health had progressively deteriorated since then. Dennis was on his way to the hospital when he called DJ, but not long after, he called again to tell DJ that his dad didn't make it. Both of us were taken completely by surprise, as I'm sure Dennis and his family were as well. Although I knew his dad was in bad shape, I never thought it was anything the doctors didn't have a handle on. I took my break about half an hour later, and called Dennis, but all I could say was that I was sorry. It was really hard for either of us to talk, so we kind of sat in silence for a bit, and eventually he told me that they weren't letting them see his dad yet. After that he told me that he'd talk to me later.

Saturday was a lot better. I'd originally planned on going to dinner with a friend, but those plans pretty much fell through, so I decided to go to a birthday party for Stacy's sister, as she'd invited me a few weeks ago. I'd only met her sister once, like four or so years ago when I'd been living with Stacy and Stefanie, but I had nothing better to do, and at least I could hang out with Stacy for a while.

So I got to the place where the party was being held. It was called the "F.O.P. Lounge", and basically its a bar for police officers (F.O.P. standing for Federal Order of Police). When I got there, everyone was sort of standing around talking, waiting for Laura (Stacy's sister) to arrive. Once she got there, we all quickly moved into a back room until she came in, and everyone yelled 'surprise', but she'd already figured it out after seeing her dad's SUV in the parking lot.

For the next hour Stacy, her dad and myself just sat and talked and watch people sing karaoke. We also looked through the song book to see what they had available. Stacy was planning on singing a couple songs, but karaoke isn't for me. After a while, Stacy got a phone call. When she hung up, she told me that Brandee had just got off work, and was going to try and get a ride to the party. I wasn't too thrilled about this at first, as I hadn't shaved in a couple days, and I don't do very well around people. Stacy tried to reassure me that the 'rugged' look looked good on me, and that I probably didn't have anything to worry about anyways, as she probably wouldn't be able to get a ride...unless I went and picked her up.

Well, after a few minutes of thinking about it, I tried calling her, but no answer. So I text messaged that I heard she needed a ride, and would be willing to pick her up. She replied asking if I was serious, and that she'd feel really bad, but I told her I didn't mind at all, and was on my way.

So I left the party and headed to where she works, though she was actually at a bar next door. I picked her up, and she asked if we could go by her house so she could change, as she was still in her work uniform. So we drove to her house, and then back to the party, talking quite a bit on the way. So, to make this already long story a bit shorter, I didn't talk much to her while at the party, partially due to the noise; however, I did end up singing karaoke , without even getting pressured into it; though it was partially in an attempt to try to get Brandee to sing something, which failed . I know you're all interested as to which song I sang, so the song is 'The Verve Pipe - Freshmen'. I actually submitted another song to sing, this time 'Linkin Park - Papercut', at the time, not remembering how crazy fast it is, so I'm glad we ended up leaving before my turn came up, lol. Because my voice is so deep, Stacy and her sister wanted me to sing 'Crash Test Dummies - Mmmmm Mmmmm'. I haven't heard that song in years though, so another good reason we left

Brandee's sister had called her and told her to come over to her new house, so I drove her there, and on the way we talked a lot more, about all sorts of things like music, food, etc. Stuff I probably should've saved for Wednesday when we go to dinner (the previous date didn't end up happening), so better think of other things . Turns out we have really similar tastes in music, which didn't surprise me much until she said she was into electronic music as well, and had even been to some of the same shows I was at, such as when Paul Oakenfold played at the closing day of Club Freedom downtown. She's also a big fan of World of Warcraft and Diablo II, though not a hardcore gamer or anything. She also loves breakfast, so, providing there's a second date, I'm thinking of going to breakfast rather than dinner, since we're both more available in the morning anyways.

So I dropped her off at her sisters and drove home, and then browsed the net and played FFXII until five in the morning when I went to bed.

Sunday I went to lunch with Mike and Tiffany, and then we went and saw the film 'Smokin Aces', which I liked quite a bit. It's a really crazy film that you'd probably enjoy if you like films such as 'Snatch', etc; though it's not like Snatch aside from the violence and the number of characters in the movie. After the movie I went home to get a couple hours of sleep in before heading to work.

I filed my taxes last week, and should be getting about $1,000 back from Federal, and $1,500 back from State. $1700 or so will go to Dennis for the PS3/Wii/HDTV, and the rest will go to my escalating credit card debt (about $6,500), in an attempt to try and get rid of it by the end of this year.

Sorry for the length

'Scent of a Woman'

"Women! What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius. The hair... They say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert."

"Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing... pussy."

"When in doubt... fuck."

"The day we stop lookin', Charlie, is the day we die."

'And be a simple, kind of man. Be something, you love and understand...'

Well, I've finally reached my 100th blog entry. The first entry was nearly a year and a half ago, and my life has changed quite a bit since then. Not like "I'm a new man" kind of changed or anything, but it's certainly not the same, thanks to a new job, new friends, and all the things that come with them. I've actually been kind of slacking on the entries lately, due to a few reasons I won't discuss, otherwise I would've written blogs about them

Hopefully more things will change in the future. I plan on moving at the end of March. Not out of state or anything, just to a new apartment. It'll definitely be something bigger than my current 450sq ft box I live in at the moment, and hopefully with a garage, and laundry machines. I'm also seriously going to try and get rid of my debt this year. I've already been in Arizona for over six years, and the need to get back to school is really in my head lately, but I can't do it without getting rid of the debt I'm in, so I don't have to constantly work overtime to pay for school.

Anyways, this weekend was a good one, I can definitely say that much. Dennis' daughter had her 2nd birthday party on Saturday at Peter Piper Pizza. After that I went to dinner at Garcia's with Stacy, which included Fried Ice Cream, which is the shit. Not quite as good as Oaxaca's in Sedona, but good nonetheless. After dinner we hit up Harkins and saw "Children of Men", which was excellent. Definitely a unique theme for a movie.

Sunday I hung out with Dennis and his family as they went shopping at Wal-mart, and Arizona Mills. I'd originally signed up to work that night, but nobody ever told me that they would need me, which turned out great because Tami had free tickets to the Trapt/Shinedown concert at Westgate Center. Trapt wasn't very good at all, but I didn't really expect them to be. I enjoyed the stuff that I'd heard on the radio, but after downloading their CD, I wasn't impressed with the rest of it, and the concert wasn't any better. Shinedown, on the other hand, made up for Trapt's lacking performance, and then some. I'd probably pay to see Shinedown again.

This was actually my 2nd time seeing them, as they played the Godsmack show last September as well, but they made a much bigger impression on me this time around. Especially loved the songs "Shed Some Light", and "Simple Man", which is actually a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover, and where the title of this blog comes from. I've always had a soft spot for acoustic stuff though, especially when it's from bands that are normally accustomed to playing harder music, like Shinedown and Staind. It's a nice break in the albums from all the hate music

After the concert Tami, her cousins, friends, and myself, headed over to Six Shooters to get drinks and play some pool. Had a great time there, but they closed around 1, so we headed over to the Metro Sports bar to hang out a little while longer. Ended up getting home around 2:30 in the morning, and didn't feel like sleeping, so after browsing the net for a bit, I popped in "The Beach", which I've probably mentioned before is a great movie. Didn't quite get through all of it before going to sleep around 5 though.

Going over to Dennis' later today for a barbecue, and to watch Ohio State kick the shit out of Florida. Sometimes I wonder why I don't follow football... I love the sport. I guess I already have too many hobbies to try and keep track of another one, especially one that has so many people and stats to keep track of.

Edit: Well... the game didn't quite go the way we wanted it... That was a great first touchdown though Ohio! Way to stay #1

'All is numb, I've been lost too long...'

Ok, I realize not all of you want to read a lot of minor details, so for those people, here's the summary of last night....

- Went to a club for a co-workers birthday
- Lots of alcohol involved
- I actually danced for the first time in my life
- Went to hang out at a friends mom's house afterward until 5 in the morning where someone gets naked in the pool, someone else throws up all night, and being the only one sober, I get to take in all the details, most of them written below.

Now either read the details, or skip to the bottom rule below that start out what happened today, which is quite a bit shorter.

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So last night got a little crazy. I'd been invited to go to a club in downtown Tempe, called Grahams Central Station, for a co-workers (Shawn) birthday party. He'd rented a limo, and was going to go around and pick everyone up in it on the way to the club, but I decided to take my own car, that way I could come and go on my own schedule. Also picked up a few friends (who also work with me) on the way (DJ, Daniel, and Alicia). When we got there, we couldn't find anyone, so we walked around forever trying to find them. The club is pretty big, as it's four different sections, one for hip-hop, one for country, one for misc (rock, oldies, hip-hop, etc), and a kareokee room. Finally the people that came in the Limo all showed up (Shawn, Lisa, Nicola, Marquis, and Yvette) and we found them in the hip-hop room, where we pretty much stayed at the rest of the night.

So everyone's drinking and talking etc, and Lisa starts trying to get me to go and dance, and this is after I'd told her the previous day that I wasn't going to, etc. So I keep telling her no but she wouldn't give up and she grabs my arm and tries to drag me out onto the dance floor. So anyways, I figured it'd be less embarrassing to just go and dance than to try and fight with her about it, so she starts teaching me how to dance, since I've never tried before, only we're not dancing how everyone else is cause she starts out with basic stuff like steps like it was country line dancing or something, but then on to more... intimate (?) moves, pressing her body against me, so I can feel what she's doing, etc, and try to follow it. Having an attractive woman's moving her body against yours certainly helps take your mind of the fact that you feel like a complete idiot. Sometimes she'd cover my eyes with her hands, I guess in an effort to get me to concentrate on how she was moving, etc. Not sure if it helped me dance, but it was kind of hot, lol. Anyways, after my first "lesson" she got me to go back out two other times, with less resistance on my part, and I definitely had fun doing it, however, I still felt like an idiot, especially when she would move away and try to get me to dance on my own.

The club closed around two in the morning, and Alicia called her mom, and said we could all go over to her mom's house to hang out. Most everyone piled into the limo, but Daniel (Alicia's husband) said Alicia had to ride with me to make sure I got there ok, although I already knew how to get there. Alicia and I arrived well ahead of the limo (I have kind of a heavy foot) and so we waited out front for them. The limo finally arrives about 15 minutes later, and we open the door to find Shawn sprawled out on the floor in the back of the limo, passed out. We wake him up and help him out of the car, and he can barely stand, so Daniel and I stood behind him, trying to hold him up. Everyone's kind of randomly talking and laughing for like 20 minutes, and the limos still there, and eventually we decide that Shawn needs to go home, so we tell the driver to take him home, and Yvette and Marquis say they're going home to, so they hop in the limo as well. They argue with the driver a bit on how much time they have left, but eventually they take off.

Then I find out Nicola's getting worried about getting a ride home, and she's on the phone with her (ex?) boyfriend trying to get him to come and pick her up but she doesn't have a clue where she's at, so I give her the address and directions, and offer her a ride home, but I think she wanted to go home immediately, so she kept talking on the phone. We go inside the house, and out into the backyard where there's chairs and a pool etc. Daniel tries to dump a bottle of water on Lisa. Nicola's still on the phone. Someone suggests we all get in the pool, but nobody wants to be the first one in, everyone wants to make sure everyone else is going to get in to, and nobody has swim suits except Alicia who borrowed some shorts from her sister. I don't want to go in at all, and Lisa says she's not going in if I don't go cause she didn't want to either, so everyone starts trying to convince me to go in but without a pair of shorts, it just wasn't going to happen; though, for a minute, I considered just saying fuck it, and jumping in, but my boxers arn't exactly tight around my waist, and I don't think they'd stay on too long in a pool, lol.

So Alicia and DJ get in, and Daniel almost does, but then comes back and grabs Lisa to try and drag her in, but Lisa grabs me by my front pants pockets (I'm sitting in a chair) and this would've created a pretty interesting picture had someone thought of taking one, anyways, I tried prying her hands from my pockets, which wasn't easy, but finally got her to let go of me, but both her and Daniel flew back onto the ground and into a plastic bucket filled with empty beer cans. So that ended that (for the moment anyways). After a few minutes Daniel went onto the side of the house and started throwing up pretty bad. While he was back there, DJ and Alicia are still trying to convince me and Lisa to get in the pool, and start giving us shit about not going along with the idea. Lisa mentions that it's not like anyones naked or anything, and says if they get naked she'll get in. So then a couple minutes later, after more arguing, DJ slaps his wet boxers on the side of the pool and says now that he's naked, she has to get in. So now everyones laughing and Lisa says she's not getting in, and goes around the side of the house to see if Daniels ok, cause he's been throwing up for the last 30 minutes or more, and DJ puts his boxers back on and him and Alicia get out of the pool. Nicola comes out from inside the house, grabs her purse, and leaves. We think she was mad, but we're not sure why...

Then Lisa and Daniel come back around from the side of the house. He looks ok, and is smiling and everything, and his eyes are barely open cause he's so wasted. Then all of a sudden he grabs Lisa and starts pulling her toward the pool, and then Lisa grabs me, and I grab a wooden post that's holding up the porch awning and Lisa locks her arms around my waist, and everyone else is pulling Lisa trying to get her in the pool, but its no use, and they finally give up. Eventually Daniel goes back on the side of the house and starts throwing up some more, and Alicia and DJ go over to see if he's ok. Lisa and I just sit on the porch talking about dancing and other things. Finally, around five in the morning, we leave Alicia's mom's house. Alicia and Daniel stay there, and I take Lisa and DJ home, stopping to get something to eat on the way. DJ's girlfriend calls right before we get to her house, wondering why he's not home yet. I drop him off, go home, and go to bed for 4 hours, since i'd woken up right before going to the club anyways, I wasn't real tired.

---

So then today I went and exchanged my DS Phat for a Onyx Black DS Lite. This thing is so much better looking than the original DS. EB Games has a deal going on where you trade in the old DS for the new one, and get it for only $70, which is nearly half price, and a hell of a lot better deal than I thought I was going to get. Also picked up Starfox Command for it, and pre-ordered the collectors edition of FFXII for the PS2. On the way home I picked up some Chipotle for lunch, and went to Safeway. Tried calling Mike to see if he and Tiffany wanted to hang out, but they were up in Payson visiting his mom. I have softball at 6pm tonight. Hopefully I do just as well (or not any worse) than last time. My brother called today to recommend the movie "It's all gone Pete Tong". (IMDB) Anyone ever heard of it?

'und keine eier...'

Well, I think my streak is wearing off... This weekend had the potential to be great, and it ended up only about average, though I did have a lot to do, so I suppose that's better than just sitting around all weekend.

Saturday I went to softball practice in the morning. Yeah... decided to play softball, which is like the first sport I've played in at least 15 years or more. I need the exercise, and it's something to help get out of the house, etc. Practice was ok I guess. When I first got up to bat I was actually hitting pretty good for the first 5 or 6 pitches, then I just kept missing them one after another. I'm not sure if I got too cocky or was just trying to swing harder or what.

Later that evening I went to see Tool play at Cricket Pavilion. Tool has been one of my favorite bands for years, so I was really looking forward to this concert, but unfortunately, was disappointed in the end. We got into the venue just in time for Tool to take the stage. It was just me and DJ this time. Dennis was off in Flagstaff for his and Nicole's Anniversary. Anyways, when Tool came out on stage, I was pretty hyped up, along with everyone else, and then partway into the 2nd song some idiot threw a plastic water bottle and it hit Maynard right in the head, and he walked off stage. The band kept playing though. I don't even know if they were aware what had happened actually, except they must've known something was up cause he wasn't on stage anymore. After they finished that song (which I believe was "Forty-Six and Two") they started the next, even though Maynard was still off stage. Didn't matter much to the crowd, cause they started singing it themselves! Anyways, on the last verse of the song, Maynard came back out and started singing again, which was a big relief cause I thought for sure they were going to stop the concert for a second there. Even though he came back though, I never really got hyped up the rest of the concert because they kept playing songs with long instrumentals in them, and/or songs that weren't really big hits. In fact, I don't think they played any songs off their first two albums at all, even though they played for two hours.

The next day I hung out with Mike & Tiffany. Went to the mall for a little bit, then Chipotle for lunch, then back to Tiffany's parents house for a little while. Wasn't there for very long before I had to go pick up DJ for softball. Didn't do terribly bad for my first two games. Hit the ball 3 out of the 5 times I was at bat, though two of them were caught, but that's still better than striking out, which is what I was pretty much expecting to do.

Yesterday (Monday) I pretty much just sat around watching movies and playing Oblivion. Got a registered letter from the IRS telling me I owe them money, and they're going to repossess my car if I don't pay them $1.5k in the next 30 days. Thankfully I just happen to have some extra money. I was kind of hoping to be able to hold out until February, and just have them take it out of the taxes they're going to owe me, but I guess I won't get that lucky.

Stacy called in the afternoon to say hello, cause we haven't talked in a while, and as per usual, she didn't talk much. Even when I was telling her what I'd been doing lately, she didn't really sound interested in continuing any conversation I tried to make, which is why I wonder why she bothers calling to begin with. Talked to Stefanie again as well, albeit through text message still. I wonder how long she's going to keep this up... maybe she's wondering the same thing about me, heh...

'so fall into my eyes, and fall into my lies...'

Well, I had another good weekend. They seem to be happening quite often actually... that's kind of odd. Anyways, Saturday was DJ's party. There wasn't too many people there, but I remember DJ saying he was only inviting a handful of people this time. Just to hang out at his house, eat pizza and cheesecake (yumm), etc. Sunday I hung out with Mike and Tiffany. Went to Arrowhead Mall and walked around a bit, then dropped my car off at her parents, and headed over to Chili's for dinner. They've got pretty decent food there.

After that we drove to downtown Tempe, which is where ASU is at, and all many of the bars and clubs, etc. We were going to a club called Margarita Rocks, but it wasn't open for another 20 minutes or so, so we went next door to The Tavern, and they had a few drinks, and we talked for a while until the other club opened up. It was pretty dead for a little while, but picked up soon enough. An older hispanic lady tried to get me to dance because she thought I looked bored, but I wasn't going for it. Not enough alcohol or self-esteem for that type of thing (probably doesn't help that I don't drink, heh). Lots of great looking women at the club, which makes sense, seeing as ASU's practically across the street. Left there not long after midnight, picked up my car, and went to bed.

The next day I headed up north to check out some landmarks in Arizona that I haven't been to yet. I drove up to a place called Tonto Natural Bridge, which is essentially a short, but very tall cave that goes through a cliff, forming a natural bridge. Hiked around there for a while, then drove up to Winslow to check out the Homolovi Ruins. I thought they'd be more well preserved than they turned out to be, but it was interesting just the same. Got stopped by a Park Ranger while up there, cause I forgot to put my pass in the window. After that, I drove back to Phoenix, and over to Dennis' house. Watched "Firewall", then went home and to sleep.

Got up early today to go to work. I'm working days this week to get additional training at work. I hate driving in traffic. It's so different than driving at night, where there are little to no accidents, and the freeways just move along without any problems at all. Coming home was even worse. Took me an hour or more, when it normally takes 20-25 minutes.

Anyways, here are some pics from the weekend. The dogs are from Tiffany's parents house, the middle one being Tiffany's dog Rowdy. The rest are from the Tonto Natural Bridge, and the Homolovi ruins.

'I hate you so, but love you more I'm so elastic...'

Well, I've now been working seven days a week for over a month, and will be working every day at least for another week, if not the week after that as well. Still managing to hang out with friends though, or at least trying to. Have a busy weekend ahead of me. In between sleeping and working, Friday I'll be heading to The Family Values Tour, featuring Korn, The Deftones, Stone Sour, Flyleaf, and a bunch of other bands. Saturday I'm going to see Pirates of the Caribbean. Sunday I'm going with some friends to take a tour of the new Arizona Cardinals (NFL) stadium. I guess the tickets for the tour were free, which is pretty cool. Hopefully I'll be able to check out a game this year as well, as I've never been to an NFL game (or NBA, for that matter). Hopefully either Saturday or Sunday I'll be able to make some time to hang out with Mike and Tiffany as well, as we haven't hung out in a long time. Monday is the Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert. I also have to re-sign my lease this weekend. I didn't really want to, but I'm not really sure where I want to move yet either, so I'll sign another 7 month lease. That should give me enough time to look around some, and it'll be cooler temperatures by the time I move.

Put some subwoofers in my car the other day. Dennis had a Kicker 120w amp, and three MTX 10" subwoofers in a box that used to be in his Cavalier. When he traded in his cavalier, he didn't really have any use for them anymore, so I bought everything off him for $100. We installed it ourselves, and it went fairly easy, as the previous owner of my car already had the car wired for subwoofers, so we just connected the wires, and it worked. OK, well it sounds simpler than it actually was, but it wasn't too difficult. I need to do a little better job at connecting the wires together though. Right now they don't have the strongest connection, and are sort of just hanging around. The box is also about 1.5" too long to fit all the way in the back of my trunk, which sucks, but it fits, and I can still fit my toolboxes back there, as well as a few other things. Here are some pics if you want to check it out. 120w doesn't sound like much, especially when split between 3 subs, but it sounds damn nice, so I'm happy, especially for a mere $100.

'We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor...'

So, the road trip continues. The goal was to make it from Phoenix, AZ to Seattle, WA in 24 hours, and we did it in 23 hours and 18 minutes! This was accomplished by stopping only for gas, and driving at an almost constant 80-85 miles per hour, and at one point hitting 135 mph somewhere in northern California, which is the fastest I've taken my car. If it goes any faster, it's going to take a pretty long straight road to do it, preferably downhill, but as 135 is faster than the specs say it goes (128mph), I was happy. I was also able to average over 28 miles per gallon for the trip, which is great for a sports car that's being driven fairly hard.

So much has happened since we arrived, that it's impossible for me to remember it all. Sunday I hung out with our friend Ian and his girlfriend Wendy for most of the day, as my brother had to work until late that night. Turned out that he got Monday off though, so we decided to drive up to Oak Harbor, which is where I grew up. Visited some old friends there, and watched them light a few fireworks, including some that ended up blowing holes in the cabin of an old beat up truck (on purpose).

Tuesday was July 4th, which is Independence Day for the United States of America, and we had a barbecue over at Ian and Wendy's place. They live in a very nice condo in Seattle. I think their living room is literally bigger than my entire apartment. They even have a pool at the complex, so we went swimming as well. After that, a few of us went to have drinks at my brother's work, and watched the fireworks from there, and then headed over to a nearby bar/restaurant where they got something to eat. We ended up driving over to Renton where one of them was watching her cousin's house while they were away in Hawaii, and we just crashed there because most everyone was pretty well drunk and/or tired. I had to put my contacts in a dish of Visine, because I hadn't planned on staying overnight there, and for some reason my eyes are now burning...

Today we went and saw Superman at the theater. I thought it was a good movie, definitely worth my money, although it could've had a bit more action in it, as Superman doesn't ever really fight anyone in the entire movie. Other than that though, it was a good comeback for the series.

Ok, now for the interesting stuff...

Back with more in the coming days, and if not, then by next weekend when I return to Arizona.

'Emotion fills the sky, Erosion clouds my brain...'

I really don't feel like blogging, but I'm f'ing bored here at work, and I haven't been blogging much lately, so...

Last weekend was...different. Saturday I went up to Flagstaff. Dennis and his family were taking a mini vacation up there over the weekend, and I decided to drive up for the day to hang out. Ended up meeting them in Sedona, and spent most of the day there, checking out shops and sights, etc. Went to an estate sale and ended up finding a Pioneer turntable and equalizer for a total of $30. Found a matching turntable on Ebay for $20, so once I get that, I just need to find a simple and cheap mixer, and I can start mixing. Just for fun of course, always wanted to give it a try. The turntable and EQ are in prime condition, especially for being nearly 30 years old. I was really tired that day, as I'd worked Friday night through Saturday morning, and then left for Flagstaff only a couple hours after work. Drove home later that night with the help of loud music and energy drinks. Would've been a lot funner if I'd had someone with me on the way up and back, but everyone was working, or, in Dennis' case, already in Flagstaff.

Sunday didn't go so well. It started off ok. Went to lunch with Mike and Tiffany at Garcia's Mexican Restaurant. We made plans to go to see "Inside Man", at the 4:15 show. I had to go to a baby shower first though (explained in a bit...), but I said it probably wouldn't take long, an hour, hour and a half at most, so should be out of there by 3:30 at the latest. Unfortunately things didn't quite turn out that way.

So yes, I went to a baby shower. Many of you may know that only women go to baby showers, and I tried explaining this to DJ, who already knew that, but he kept crying about how he was going to be the only guy there (as it was for his soon to be born son). So Dennis and I agreed to go and hang out for a while. Well, Dennis didn't even get back from Flagstaff until 3:00, so we didn't even make it to the shower until 3:30. Mike called me not long after I got there, and I told him what was going on, and so he said we'd go to their place and just watch a DVD or something. I got a bit pissed at him, because we could just go to a later showing, but he just made excuses about having to drive to the theater, and how he had to work tomorrow etc. I wasn't really as pissed off about going to the movies as I was that the whole baby shower thing had f'ed up my weekend because I hadn't planned on going, and really, I wasn't even supposed to be there in the first place because I'm a guy! Dennis being late didn't help either. I would've gone earlier, but I didn't know where it was at, and DJ wouldn't answer his phone, as always.

Anyways, Mike ended up calling back and said we'd go to the 7:00 show at a closer theater to his house. I apologized for being an ass and said it wasn't necessary to go, but he said they really wanted to. I called Stacy, because we were supposed to hang out some time that day, but she didn't pick up. I left her a message telling her what time the show was, and to call if she could come. That was 1.5 hours before the movie. Right when we were walking in, at exactly 7:00, she text messages me saying "What time?", even though I'd told her what time on the voice mail. That's women for you... I told her we were already there, and asked if she wanted to hang out after, but she said no, so I pretended to get pissed off, and then told her we'd hang out some other day then. The movie was good, just as I had heard, and they both liked it as well, so I didn't feel guilty any more =P.

The rest of the week went just as any other week until Friday. There's a girl at my work that had talked to me a couple times in the past few months, and I'd been considering trying to talk with her more, hoping something would come out of it. I never got around to it though thanks to low self-esteem, and giant schedule differences. She works 2nd shift, and I work 3rd, so she leaves right when I come in. One time we passed each other on the stairs and I didn't even look at her, and DJ gave me all sorts of shit about it because I didn't even say hello, lol. Anyways, Friday I went up and started talking to her. She'd talked before about becoming a typesetter (my position), and so I started talking about that, and asked her when she was going to start training, etc. We must've talked for like, 10 minutes or more, but I told her I should probably get back to work before they start yelling at me. Anyways, hoping to talk to her more in the future. Not sure if I should just ask her out to dinner at this point or not. Any thoughts? Dennis says I should just ask for her number but I hate that shit. It's too f'ing typical, and too many jackasses do it. Better for me to ask her out to dinner, and if she says no, then tell her maybe some other time, and give her my number, yes? Fuck if I know...

Speaking of women... Stefanie's apparently looking at houses and engagement rings with her boyfriend. No, I still haven't talked to her yet. Dennis called her last week and talked to her about various things. She asked how I was doing and he got on her ass about it, saying she should just call me and find out, and she said she couldn't call me, as it'd been so long (well over 6 months now).

My apartment needs cleaning... bad... I've been slacking a lot lately. Keep telling myself I'll do it on the weekend, and then the weekend comes and goes, and still, nothing gets done. My cars dirty as hell now to, thanks to the brief rain we had, ending our 150+ day drought. Arizona's probably one of the few places where rain actually makes your car dirty, rather than cleaning it...

Yesterday I went over to Ron's house to help him fix his computer. He called me before I left my apartment. Apparently he'd been up all night, and was walking home from the west side of Phoenix (he lives over on the east side, in Tempe). His car was on the other side of town, as he'd been hanging out with some friends that night, and they'd ended up going to someones house after hitting the bar. He was still half drunk when I picked him up, which was kind of funny. He was all sorts of pissed off about some girl. We ended up going to eat breakfast at IHOP before going to her place for him to vent, and then heading to his place to fix his computer. Got it up and running...sort of. It POSTs at least. Didn't even boot before. I can't quite remember what fixed it... probably a couple of things. It was a good team effort though, and had fun doing it.

Didn't do shit today. Called Mike, but he said they weren't going to do anything, so I just slept, played some Oblivion, watched a movie, talked to my mom on the phone, and then headed off to work again, and here I am, on overtime, making $32+ an hour to write this giant blog entry... now to surf the net...

'Its alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown...'

Well, long time no blog, and for good reason. I've been quite busy the last week, as my brother came down to visit. He lives up in Seattle, and I normally go up there a couple times a year to see him and my parents, but we'd been talking for a while about him coming down to AZ for a visit, and I told him last time I was up there that if he'd just get some time off, I'd be more than happy to provide the plane ticket.

I took the week off from work, so he wouldn't have to sit around the house being bored while I worked/slept. He flew down last Saturday afternoon, and we ended up hanging out at Dennis' for a while, and then went out to a bar with Stacy and a friend of hers. The bar wasn't too bad, though it was a little small, and thus, a bit crowded, but any bar would be on a Saturday night, so not a big problem. It was a Karaoke night, which was kind of cool, as you get to see drunk people make fools of themselves. Some actually weren't too bad though. Even Stacy got on the mic and sang some U2. Her friend sang as well, but I didn't recognize the song. I don't have the balls to do something like that myself, and I don't drink either, so you won't be getting any American Idol audition videos from me anytime soon =P. After the bar we all went back to my apartment and hung out for a couple hours, and then I took her home.

Sunday we were going to head up to Montezuma's Castle, which is a place along the I-17 freeway where there is an adobe house set up in the cliffs, and the remains of another house on the ground nearby. There's not a whole lot to see there once you've seen the house (which your not allowed to enter), but it was the only thing decently close that I knew of where we could take some interesting pictures, and it was a good Sunday drive. Unfortunately we arrived at around 5:30pm, and we found out once we got there, that they closed at 5:00. So the next day we went back.

On our way there the 2nd day, I decided to take advantage of being out in the middle of nowhere, and ended up hitting 130mph in my car. I'm positive I could've hit at least 140, but I was forced to slow down as to not hit the cars in front of me =P. At a different spot in the road, someone in a relatively new WRX tried to get me to race, and after he showed off for a bit, I revved my engine hard just to make him happy, and he pulled away pretty quick.

Tuesday we ended up going to a Phoenix Coyotes game (Arizona's professional hockey team). The Coyotes lost to the Vancouver Canucks, but I ended up snagging a free t-shirt without even trying. It practically fell into my lap (after being shot from a t-shirt launcher).

Wednesday we ended up going to Sedona for the day. Sedona is a city about two hours north of Phoenix, located in a valley surrounded by plateau's of red rock. The place is extremely picturesque, and is a giant tourist trap. We went to the Chapel of the Holy Cross, which is a fairly famous spot to visit. Then we headed up to Slide Rock, which wasn't quite what I expected. Just a river that happens to run over a big section of rock that's been worn smooth over countless years of erosion. It was fun to hike around though. Then we had dinner at a place called Oaxaca, which is a Mexican restaurant, and then headed out the Sedona airport, which is located on the top of one of the plateau's so we could try to take some pictures of the sunset. Unfortunately there isn't a very good spot to see the sunset there, and even if there was, it sets behind mountains, rather than the horizon, so it doesn't provide very good pics.

Thursday we went to see Annapolis at the theater. Wasn't a bad movie, but it was more about boxing than the Navy; which wasn't a bad thing per se, but it doesn't really fit the title. Then we went bowling with Ron and a few of his friends down in Tempe. I hadn't been bowling in a very long time, probably around 8-10 years. I was pretty surprised that they actually had shoes in my size to. After that we went and hung out over at Ron's place for a couple hours, which was just down the street.

On Friday we sort of just hung around the house. Later that night Stacy called, and was going to come over with her friend from work. Her friend didn't show up, but Stacy still came. We all just hung out and talked for a whil