'You take away, I feel the same, all these promises, you promised only pain...'

So Niickiey IM’ed me the other night and actually talked to me for like 2.5 hours until I had to go home at 6 a.m. It was mostly small-talk. Nothing groundbreaking, or revealing about why she left, and certainly not an apology. Just small talk about her new phone, my family, my vacation, etc. She did ask me about my love life, which pissed me off a bit, but I just told her it was good. She was surprised, and asked if I really had one, and I told her I was interested in someone but that it hadn’t gone anywhere yet because she just started working here, lol. People were saying I should’ve said that I was seeing someone, but I think she would’ve known that was a lie right off the bat, seeing as I’d only been back a few weeks, and seeing as I’d never had a girlfriend before Niickiey, which she knew.

So anyways, tonight I hadn’t sat down for even 15 minutes before she IM’ed me again. The convo was longer than this but I cut out most of the small-talk.

I’ve put comments on some lines in green.

[01:35] Niickiey: I'm bored
[01:35] John: same
[01:35] John: why aren't you sleeping? Not tired yet?
[01:36] Niickiey: Nope
[01:36] Niickiey: I slept all day
[01:36] John: ah
[01:36] John: I got like 4 hours of sleep
[01:37] Niickiey: I didn't have to wake up and I let corey take my car to work so I slept in his bed all day then woke up to watch 3 movies
[01:37] John: corey?
[01:38] Niickiey: My boyfriend
[01:39] John: ah
[01:39] Niickiey: I thought u new this (she’s got to be shitting me… Sam and Alicia both think she’s just saying this to make me jealous)
[01:39] John: how would I know when you left me and never said a thing for over 2 months...
[01:47] John: you still there?
[01:51] Niickiey: Ya
[01:51] John: k
[01:51] Niickiey: Sorry I was myspacin it
[01:51] John:
[01:56] Niickiey: So...
[01:56] John: so
[01:56] John: what happened
[01:56] Niickiey: With?
[01:56] John: us
[01:57] John: one day we're going to sedona and the next you don't exist... why?
[01:57] Niickiey: Brb
[01:58] John: k
[02:00] Niickiey: I'm back corey woke up
[02:00] John: k
[02:01] Niickiey: The way u acted in sedona really just made me want to stay away for a while (bullshit. She’s saying this because I provided it as the reason months ago)
[02:01] John: Why didn't you just talk to me about it?
[02:02] Niickiey: Because I knew what the out come would be either way
[02:02] John: That's fine, but you should at least have told me
[02:03] Niickiey: I know but I had someone who wouldn't even let me talk to u
[02:03] John: who, and why?
[02:05] Niickiey: I can't say who and because that person didn't like who I had become and didn't like me being around you
[02:06] John: Alicia? Why couldn't you say who. It's not like she's there. Who would you have become by being with me? How am I a bad influence in any way?
[02:06] Niickiey: And I didn't say alicia
[02:06] John: I know. I was asking
[02:07] Niickiey: And she is here but no it wasn't her
[02:07] John: it has to either be her, or one of your parents
[02:08] Niickiey: I told u I'm not going to say who
[02:08] Niickiey: Its in the past
[02:08] Niickiey: U can't change the past
[02:08] John: I don't understand why. I'm not going to confront them about it or anything. I may not be able to change the past, but I can try to learn from it.
[02:12] John: I honestly can't understand what someone would have against me... it makes no sense.
[02:14] Niickiey: I don't know what to tell you
[02:15] John: the truth
[02:15] Niickiey: Other than I'm sorry
[02:15] John: that's a start
[02:19] Niickiey: And that's all I can really say
[02:20] Niickiey: So next subject
[02:20] John: I don't understand why you can't just tell me. It's not like I'm ever going to see them again or anything. I just want to understand what happened. I already feel a hell of a lot better now that you've said all this.
[02:22] Niickiey: Don't u hate when someone puts the toilet paper on wrong!?!?
[02:26] John: You can't possibly expect to get in a relationship and not have complications. Why you would leave after the first one makes absolutely no sense, and honestly, I have the feeling that even if I'd never said anything that night, that everything still would've happened as it did; but what I said just provides a convenient excuse to use in the place of the real one which you don't want to talk about. Whether that's true or not, only you can say; but it's awfully convenient that you use the exact same reason that I tried to use to get you to talk to me about what happened in the first place. Now I don't mind talking to you casually like this, and if you want to continue to talk to me then that's fine, but this is something that needs to be dealt with first. You can't just sweep it under the rug and ignore it. Even if you can, I can't. I don't possess or lack whatever quality it is that allows you to do that so easily.
[02:29] John: and yes, I do hate when someone puts on the toilet paper wrong... but I think everyone thinks they're putting it on right
[02:31] Niickiey: Once again, its done and over with! I don't understand y u keep bringing it up. I told u y I stopped talking to you and you wanting to know who was part of it shows a kid side of you wanting to know who doesn't like you. And I won't tell u who for the sake of their privacy. And if u can't respect that then I guess ur sol
[02:32] John: It's part of telling the truth Niickiey...
[02:33] John: and I'm not even talking about telling me who it was
[02:33] John: well I am, cause I think that part's true... but that's only part of it
[02:34] John: Why are you talking to me now if you don't want anything to do with me, and if this person doesn't want you to talk to me so much? Clearly you're willing to follow their advice, so why would you continue to text me, and IM me now?
[02:35] Niickiey: Because I don't talk to those people anymore.
[02:36] John: Why would their opinion matter so much to you if you don't even talk to them anymore?
[02:36] John: And how would they know about me? The only people that knew me were Alicia and your parents
[02:38] John: Why would you need to protect someone's privacy who I don't even know?
[02:38] Niickiey: Nvm (caught! lol)
[02:38] Niickiey: I'm lost
[02:38] Niickiey: I'm going to take a nap
[02:38] Niickiey: Bbl
[02:39] John: You're lost? Think about how I feel...
[02:40] John: I'm going to go on break.
[02:40] Niickiey: Okie dokie
[03:04] John: back
[03:04] John: you still awake? (no response ever came)

So, even though it’s highly likely that most of what she said is bullshit, I think some of it is true, namely the stuff about ‘someone’ not liking “who she’d become when she was with me”, though how they would know that without even knowing me is beyond my comprehension. I honestly think her best friend Alicia simply didn’t like me. I got the impression more than once, and if Niickiey listened to anyone’s opinion, it’d be hers. Plus, her parents liked me. That or they did an amazing job of hiding their dislike by continually inviting me over for dinner and her dad’s birthday, etc. Her mom even taught me how to open a bottle of wine. I think it was a good bonding experience, lol j/k. Now besides wanting to know the whole truth; I’d really like to know what made her think I knew she had a boyfriend, who may or may not actually exist in the first place.

'Cause of you I can't figure, what I'm all about...'

So Christmas is just four days away, and I've yet to buy gifts for even half the people I plan on giving to this year. I always slack until the last minute and then try to pull ideas out of my ass. Not because I'm lazy, per se, but just because I'm horrible at thinking of stuff to get people that I know they'll like.

Oh yes, and I'm back from vacation. Have been back for a couple weeks actually. Had a kick ass time, and can't wait to go back.

Tonight I was talking with Samantha (Sam) at work about how I've always wanted to join the military, and be a fighter pilot, or attack copter pilot, but because of my eyesight and heart condition, that's pretty much impossible. I've always assumed that 'any' career in flight would probably be impossible because of my heart condition actually, but after talking with her, and briefly with Ian, who's going to school for helicopter aviation, we did some research and it turns out that, worst case scenario, I might only need a doctors note, if even that. We found some information that said there were restrictions, but the article seemed to only talk about events that happened in the last six months or so, and I haven't had any serious problems since my surgery, at least eleven years ago. Ian said he'd talk to someone at his school as well, and I already requested more information about a flight school that's a mere 8 miles from where I live.

I'm really looking forward to finding out more information on this though. Since at least my sophomore year of high school, I pretty much just assumed I'd eventually have a career in computers, but the last year or two I've really started to reconsider that. I even thought about seeing where photography could take me, but the photography market is probably extremely crowded, and I already killed one hobby by trying to make it a career, so I think I'll save the other one. Flying though... I could definitely do that for the rest of my life. Sam thought that it was the male obsession with violence that made me want to become a fighter pilot, but I told her that honestly, I really just want to go fast, and there's not much faster than a fighter jet (is there?).

My hair's grown out fairly long. It's been a little over 2 months since I last cut it, and it's easily the longest it's been since I first shaved it my senior year of High School. I'll put up a pic later. Will probably get it cut next week by someone Dennis recommended, and if I don't like it, which is likely, then I'll just end up shaving it off again.

Yet another message from Niickiey tonight, this one by AIM, of all things. Again wishing me a "wonderful holiday, hope it's everything you want it to be"... Honestly it's getting a little ridiculous. She left me... arn't I supposed to be the stalker? Leaving simple messages here and there to try and get her to talk to me? I mean shit, if she wanted to talk to me all she'd have to do is talk. There's no need for this ass-backwards cryptic bullshit. The message coming through AIM was a bit strange at first, but then I realized that she knows I'm at work, and on AIM, and that this way I can't message her back, seeing as she logged off immediately after sending the message. I can't reply via text, at least not immediately, because I'm at work. Part of me wants to say something to her, and part of me says just ignore her and eventually she'll get bored, or finally grow up and talk; and that's probably what's best.

Oh yes, and I bought Rock Band last Saturday, and wow, definitely one of the best games out right now, hands down. Addicting as hell, and an excellent playlist, with weekly content being uploaded to the PSN/XBL. Daniel and I have been playing it a ton, and we're now ranked around #350 on the top bands list on PSN. A week ago I'd never thought I'd be playing songs on Expert. I have to say though, the drums are quite a bit harder than the guitar. Can't wait until Harmonix starts selling complete albums.

'I could never be the one that you want, don't ask. Well, here's to living in the moment, cause it passed...'

So vacation's been great so far. The day after Mike and I arrived, we took a tour of Whidbey Island where I grew up, along with my brother and Sabrina. To get there we took the ferry to Clinton, then drove north through Clinton, stopping off to get Pete some baking powder for heart burn, and getting some hot chocolate at a drive-in coffee house. We then drove to Greenbank Farms so my brother could pick up some wine. When we got there, we noticed they had some kind of swap meet or something going on in one of the buildings. We went in to check it out, and while looking around I spotted a tiny violin on one of the vendors tables. I went and grabbed Pete to show him, and he found out it was only $25. That was a steal, and he thought it looked pretty cool, and Sabrina used to play violin when she was younger, so he decided to buy it.

We left the farm, and headed north to check out Fort Casey. We walked through there a while, with my brother and I talking a little bit about the fort, and taking a few pictures here and there. After Fort Casey we drove toward Oak Harbor, taking the back road around by West Beach, and passing the most recent house that our parents and us had lived in before we left Oak Harbor. Driving downtown we passed our church and the first apartments we'd lived in when we first moved there, which at the time my dad only paid a mere $80 a month for a three bedroom, two bathroom, two story apartment. Then we drove down Pioneer Road downtown and decided to stop in at Mi Pueblo for lunch. It was dark and empty inside on the first floor, and I almost thought they might actually be closed or something, but we walked upstairs and someone who looked like he was about to fall asleep at the table he was sitting at, jumped up and helped us. The food wasn't bad. Your basic Mexican restaurant stuff.

After eating we went up the street to a house we'd lived in for a number of years which we refer to as 'The Big White House'. The house is well over a hundred years old. I think it was probably one of our favorite places to live just because it was kind of unique. We have a lot of good memories of living there. The compost bins my dad built were still in the back yard, though the apple tree looked like it had been recently trimmed back. We left Oak Harbor and went by Christian's Auto and Metal Recycling, where my brother and I had both worked at one point, though at different times. We drove by the Naval Base, then turned around and headed to Deception Pass.

When we got to the bridge, Sabrina stayed near the parking lot as she's afraid of heights, while Mike, Pete, and myself walked out on to the bridge and over to Canoe Island which is between the two bridges of Deception Pass. On our way across the bridge, Pete noticed a giant splash in the water below, and thought someone had just jumped off the bridge. Turns out there as actually a number of Sea Lions swimming directly below the bridge, and one had jumped out of the water and cause the splash. At first we thought they were seals, but they were much too large. After watching them for a bit, Pete decided to turn back and stay with Sabrina, while Mike and I walked down on to the Island. We took a few pictures and tried to get a better look at the Sea Lions, but we couldn't really see them from the angle we were at. We headed back to the car, and drove over the bridge to Fidalgo Island, and on to Mount Erie. When we got to the top, it was much too cloudy for a good view of Puget Sound. We took a few pictures anyways though. Finally the tour was over, and we headed back to Seattle via the I-5 freeway over the mainland.

The next day Mike, Peter, and myself headed to the Cascade Mountain range, while Sabrina stayed in Bellvue to pack and do some cleaning. We drove up to a campground that we used to camp at frequently called Colonial Creek Campground, which is next to Ross Lake. The campground had changed quite a bit since I'd last been there, but most of it was exactly the same as it had been for decades. We left and drove up to Washington Pass to check out the snow. None of us had brought any boots or anything so we couldn't really go in it. That was the end of the trip though, and we headed back to Seattle.

The next morning I got a phone call early in the morning from my parents. My dad said that they were out of power because it had started snowing the day before around noon, and hadn't stopped since. At the time of the phone call they were up to six inches, with no sign of stopping. This is pretty much exactly what my brother and I had hoped for, minus the lack of electricity of course. Still, I wasn't that worried, as we had at least a nine hour drive to their house in Hamilton, Montana, and we weren't even planning on leaving Seattle for another three hours or so. My dad recommended I get chains for the rental, so while everyone was still sleeping, I drove to Les Schwab and picked some up, making sure I'd be able to return them if they were never used. Filled the car up with gas, and went back to Pete's house. We packed up the car, hit up McDonalds for breakfast, and were on the road by 9:30am. The mountain passes were all clear, so the chains stayed in their bag. Only a couple miles from Hamilton there was a bad accident and we had to turn around and take a different, much slower route. We stopped in at Hamilton to pick up some things for my mom at the store, and made it to their house by 9:30pm MST, so all in all, an 11 hour trip.

When we got to my parents, the power was still out, and it stayed out all until the next morning when finally it came back on. The rest of the week went well. Most of the time we stayed inside, with temperatures constantly dropping, at one point even hitting 0 degrees Fahrenheit during the night. To keep entertained we watched movies, TV series on DVD, played video games, and even did some snowboarding on the hill next to the house. Thanksgiving came and my Uncle Jim and Aunt Gidget came to have dinner with us. That Saturday we took a tour of my dad's new workplace at GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) in Hamilton. Finally on Sunday it was time to head back to Seattle. The trip back didn't seem to take quite as long, I think only 9 or 10 hours. The passes were a little more icy than they were the first time through, but there was still no need for the chains, and I returned them the next day before taking the rental back. Speaking of the rental, we'd tried to get a discount on it by going through our friend Justin, who works as a concierge at a local hotel, but when I returned the rental, it apparently didn't get applied, and it ended up costing me nearly $500 for 10 days. Still, that's pretty much what I'd expected to pay going into it, so no big deal.

It's now been about 5 days since we got back. Much of the time has been spent at my brother's house playing Guitar Hero 3 and Assassin's Creed, though I did manage to go out to see Beowulf 3D at the local IMAX along with Clarence and his girlfriend Niessa, which was pretty interesting. Monday before Mike went back to Phoenix, we went downtown and walked around Pike Place Market, and later that night when Sabrina was driving me home, we got into a car accident when her car was rear-ended. Thankfully nobody was hurt, and the girl that hit us actually stopped, and had insurance. Also ended up playing pool at a dive bar up the street called Piper's a couple times. This weekend I'll be heading to Sabrina's parent's house while Pete is introduced to them. They're having enchiladas apparently, so I'm really looking forward to it :P Sabrina and I went Christmas shopping today. I didn't buy anything, just came along to get out of the house and keep her company.

Yesterday my dad called and said my mom was going in for open heart surgery today, which took us all by surprise. Apparently she hadn't been feeling well, and her temperature had risen to 105, and heart was beating very fast. The doctors discovered a hole in her heart, with an infection nearby, which had spread into her blood. The surgery was successful, and they replaced one of the valves in her heart. She'll have to be on IV antibiotics for the next six weeks.

That's all for now, other than Niickiey text messaged me a couple times. Once the night I first arrived in Seattle, wishing me a fun vacation and happy Thanksgiving, and another on Thanksgiving, saying Happy Thanksgiving. I didn't reply to either, as much as I was tempted to. At first I was angry, then the same old thoughts of wanting answers came up, but I ignored them as best I could. If she wants to talk, she can apologize first, then I'll think about it; but honestly, that's not likely to happen.

Pictures of the vacation so far can be viewed here.

'How many different faces can you show me? How many times can you be right?'

Well, things are done with Niickiey. I left her birthday present on her doorstep. I figure even if she doesn't keep her word, I still can. I still don't understand why she won't talk to me, but I never have in the past either, so there's no point in dwelling on it much. At least I saw it coming this time... Had a kick ass couple of months though, that's for sure. Would definitely do it again.

Time to start working overtime again... I have a lot of missed weekends to make up for...

'Don't want to reach for me do you, I mean nothing to you, the little things get in the way...'

So things didn't go quite as bad as I'd predicted in the last entry, but they weren't perfect either...

So on Friday, she gave me a call from work, and wanted to know if I wanted to have lunch at 1pm, and take her to the bank to cash her check. Then she TM'd me again and said nevermind, the store had bought them lunch, but she got off at 4, so if I wanted to pick her up and have dinner we could do that.

So I pick her up, and to my surprise, her hair is 'not' bleached blonde. You have no idea how glad I was, LOL. All she did was get red and blonde highlights. She said she really was going to bleach it, but that the hairdresser she went to wouldn't do it because they'd have to use so much bleach that it'd end up frying her hair or something.

So we go cash her check, go back to her work so she can pay for some stuff she had on hold, then went to dinner. She'd never been to The Cheesecake Factory, which is one of my favorite restaurants, mostly because it seems really fancy, without costing 'that' much more than your standard sit-down restaurant. The food is good to, and the cheesecake is excellent. Anyways, so have dinner, and save enough room to split a Tres Leches flavored cheesecake, which was awesome. Now before dinner, she'd told me she had to be back at her house by 7 to do laundry, which I wasn't too happy to hear, as I was going to ask if she wanted to go to my place and watch Knocked Up, which we'd rented a couple days earlier. But during dinner, she text messages me, asking if I want to see if there's anything playing at the movie theater.

I was about to text her back when I asked myself why we were even text messaging when she was sitting across from me, lol. So I said yeah, we could see what was playing. Anyways, we drove by the theater but nothing real interesting was playing immediately, so I ask her if she wants to watch Knocked Up, and she says yes. So we do that, but weren't able to quite finish it before I had to take her home so that I'd have enough time to pick up my friend I carpool with, and head to work.

Now before this all had happened I was really stressing out about the trip, and whether she even wanted to go, etc; but the day went so well I told myself that I'd been stressing out for nothing, as usual. So, I go to work, sit through 8 hours of boredom, head home, pack, shower, and call her at 7:30 to make sure she's awake. I stop by Starbucks on the way there to get us some Frappuchinos, and then pick her up, and we're on the road by 8:30.

The drive there isn't too bad. Most of the time we're cruising along at 70-90mph. We get to Sedona about 10, and walk around some shops for a bit, then go to a mexican restaurant I like called Oaxaca and have lunch. After that we walk around 'more' shops (she's female after all...) and then head up to Slide Rock, which is a park with a river that runs over giant areas of flat rock. People swim in it... but I wouldn't recommend it... lots of algae, etc; and COLD. We hike around there for a bit, take pictures, etc, then head back to Sedona. We stopped at an art exhibit place and walked around there for a while, bought some fancy chocolate, and went through some 'new age' psychic shop; then headed over to the Inn to check in.

We get to the room, which is exactly like the pictures on the internet say it is. It has a King size post bed, with mini-fridge, microwave, couches, and the premiere feature, a jacuzzi right next to the bed, which makes the room $50 more a night than the regular King size room. We decide to take a nap, cause we both are running on a couple hours of sleep, so we end up sleeping until about 7:30. This ends up the first time I'm actually able to sleep with her in the bed, by the way, but I'm almost certain its because all previous times I was holding her; this time I didn't. So we get up and we're both kind of hungry so we go to an Italian place just a block up the street that she likes and have calzones, which were really good, then go back to the Inn.

She decides to take a shower, and while she does, I make an attempt to be romantic. I run over to the grocery store that's right behind the Inn and buy a dozen tea candles, a lighter, and a bottle of shampoo, because the Inn only provided us with a single tiny bottle, which she had proudly claimed. I run back to the Inn, but she's already out of the shower, however, she walks outside to talk on the phone, so while she's out, I fill up the Jacuzzi, pour in some shampoo to create bubbles, and place lit candles all around it. Yeah, it's probably cheezy, but I figured she could at least appreciate the effort, lol. Besides, might as well make use of it since we're paying for it.

So she comes back in, sees what I've done, and instantly starts talking about how I'm not going to make her get in there. Why? I ask... thinking she just wants to play 'hard to get', or something like that. Supposedly it's because she "doesn't like baths". Bullshit, I tell her... She was bragging about how the Inn had a jacuzzi outside (she didn't know about the one in the room) before we got there, and I've known her to take baths before. She says she only takes baths when she shaves her legs, and the Jacuzzi outside is a 'real one', while the one in the room is more like a giant bathtub with jets, because you have to fill it up with water first... I argue with her, but she's not changing her mind at all, and I'm becoming very annoyed. So I roll over and lay on my side of the bed for quite some time, then get up and put out all the candles, and pretend to go to sleep, but I couldn't even if I wanted to, so much shit was running through my head...

Finally, some time later, I get up and ask her if she even wants to be here, or even wants to be with me, and she says yes, and asks what's wrong, and I talk about how I feel like she's trying to push me away sometimes, and about how a lot of the times that we've made plans, they always seem to get cut short or canceled. She comes up with reasons/excuses for all of these. I lay back down and she wants me to hold her, so I try and push things aside for now to attempt to make the best of the rest of the trip.

I think some of it still remained the next day though... breakfast went ok, but we didn't talk much on the way back to Phoenix. When we did, things seemed fine, but I'm used to her talking a lot. I didn't help things by driving a little aggressively when we were almost back to the city. People were going 25-30mph around a long downhill winding section of the highway, and not much angers me more than slow drivers, so as soon as I had openings, I'd drop gears and gun it past them, doing 80-90. She didn't say anything at the time, but later as we were in traffic, exiting to the freeway, I tried to hold her hand, and she wouldn't let me, stating that she wasn't happy with the way I was driving.

Eventually I did get her to hold my hand though. I dropped her off at her house, and things seemed to be relatively normal, however, I text messaged her about 4 or 5 hours later, asking if she ever made her appointment that she was supposed to go to when we got back. No reply. I TM'd her an hour later asking if she was mad at me still; no reply. Her birthday is tomorrow. Last time she was mad at me, she didn't talk to me until the next day, and then things were ok again. Hopefully that will be the case here as well.

I'm still not 100% that the trip was worth the money... I wish we'd gone to more places to take pictures, or done some more hiking or something. I definitely wasn't happy about paying $50 extra for a room with a jacuzzi we didn't even use, but unfortunately, that was all that was available just about anywhere in Sedona that weekend. Finally, I'm not happy at all about having to leave by 10am to make sure I got her home by 12 for her appointment. It almost seems like it would've been better to just drive home the night before, and sleep in a better hotel in Phoenix for cheaper, or even sleep at my place for free.

Pictures here.

'You're getting closer, to pushing me off of life's little edge...'

There are three possibilities that could happen this weekend:

A) Niickiey is going to cancel our trip to Sedona this weekend.

B) It will turn out to be no fun at all. We'll likely get into at least one big fight. In general, the trip will be a waste of money and time.

C) The trip will turn out excellent. We'll have tons of fun, and start thinking about making plans for our next trip before we even end this one.

Ok, in an attempt to predict the future, I'm going to say that either A or B will happen. This based off the way she's been acting lately, what with dying her hair 3 different colors (blond, red, brown); being angry/distant for well over an hour, and then trying to blow it off as a joke; continually talking about her ex-boyfriends regardless of how many times I've told her how much I hate it; and cutting our plans short so she can hang out with her best friend, who she sees daily already, and who she spent all of last weekend with...

If in fact 'A' happens, that will be the end of this short lived relationship... I've grown tired of it.

'You promise, you promise that you're done, but i cant tell you from the drugs...'

I just found out yesterday that my brother's been doing coke off and on for the last five to seven years. He's been smoking marijuana since he was 12, and I knew he's done ex and shrooms, and possibly acid, but never did I think he'd be stupid enough to do cocaine. I don't know what to do about it, or even if there's anything I can do. He doesn't know that I know yet. I found out through his girlfriend. When she first told me, he'd only told her that he'd done it once or twice in the last year or so, but after I talked to her for some time yesterday we decided she should put pressure on him to tell the truth, because we were certain it had to have been more.

Turns out we were right, and it came out that he'd started after being kicked out of my parents house and living with his friend David. They'd started selling small amounts, and would take a little for themselves now and then. He stopped for a while and then after moving to Seattle he and some friends started selling again, and would take some from that as well. Once he met his first girlfriend he stopped altogether because she made him, and in between her and his current girlfriend he did it again.

Now he's supposed to fly to New York in a week or two to visit some friends, and apparently the plan is to do more while he's there. His girlfriend asked him why he couldn't just go and visit and skip the drugs, and his answer was because it was a 'package deal'. If he was going to New York, he was going to do coke, period.

On one hand, I don't want to think he's addicted. After all, he only does it a handful of times a year at best, he never pays for it, and apparently he wouldn't know where to get it even if he wanted it (although I'm sure if he 'did' want it, it wouldn't be hard to find). But the fact that he can't go to New York without getting high, and the fact that he all but refuses to stop even though his girlfriend is extremely unhappy with him just screams 'addict'.

I still don't know if I'm going to tell him I know. If I do, it won't be until the end of my vacation there in November/December. There's no point in ruining the trip by bringing it up beforehand. I want to see if the increased pressure from his g/f changes anything as well. If he's not addicted, he should be able to give it up if he knows he's hurting someone and will lose them if he continues.

Off that subject, my car is finally in the shop. Apparently it's going to take up to 3 weeks to get repaired. In the meantime, I'm renting a car through Enterprise for a mere $9 a day. At the moment I'm in a Chrysler Aspen, but I'll be trading that in this morning for a car because of the gas milage. It's a pretty nice SUV, very comfortable, and has decent pickup having a V8, though the sound system is horrible. I hooked my MP3 player up through the AUX port, and the speakers were distorting even at low volumes, even after turning the bass down on both the player and the stereo. Hopefully whatever I get today will be fun to drive and include a better sound system.

Also, Niickiey and I will be taking a trip up to Sedona the weekend of the 13th-14th. I'll be sure and take plenty of pics while we're there.

'I see your picture, I smell your skin, on the empty pillow next to mine...'

The last couple weekends have been excellent. The weekend before last I went out with some friends Saturday night to celebrate a co-workers (Shawn) birthday. He'd rented a limo to take everyone to the club and we were there until about midnight when we drove to Mill Ave., which is kind of the hotspot of downtown Tempe where the streets are lined with bars, restaurants, and shops. We were going to go to a place called The Cherry Lounge, but just as we were about to get in, Shawn, who'd had a little to drink that night, walked directly into a pole, and the bouncers wouldn't let us into the bar. After going to another bar we headed home. The next day my friend Ian flew in from California to watch the Seahawks/Cardinals game. I'd bought tickets for Ian, Dennis, and myself, and Ian brought an extra Seahawks jersey for me to wear. In the end the Cardinals won by a single field goal in the last 5 seconds of the game.

This last Saturday was my 26th birthday, and Stacy decided to invite a bunch of my friends to have dinner at a Japanese restaurant in Scottsdale called Benihana. The restaurant has you sit around a table which is also a giant skillet, where the chef cooks your food right in front of you, while also providing entertainment in the process through tricks, jokes, etc. There were 11 of us at a single table, and we barely fit. Most of the menu included seafood, which overall I'm not a fan of, but I still ended up eating some sushi and shrimp.

Daniel and Alicia ended up buying me one of the 'mugs' that were available for purchase. The mug is white, and in the shape of a crouching ninja (pic here). Your supposed to pour liquid in through a hole in his back, and drink through a straw placed in the sword scabbard hole at the top of his shoulder. Other gifts include tickets to see Static-X from DJ & Melissa, tickets to see Chevelle from Tami, cologne from Dennis & Nicole, some shirts and a gift card to F.Y.E. from Angi, and Stacy ended up paying for dinner for both myself and Niickiey, which was considerably generous of her, especially considering that the food at Benihana is by no means low priced, and the fact that she'd already given me DVDs of Resident Evil 1&2 the weekend before (which also contained a movie ticket to see #3).

Pictures from Benihana

Pictures from the Seahawks vs. Cardinals game

'You breathed, then you stopped... I breathed, then dried you off... and tonight, I feel, feel like more...'

I love Labor Day. Had an awesome 3 day weekend thanks to deciding not to work any of it, though now that I look back, I probably should've at least signed up for Monday night... anyways...

Niickiey (the girl I'm seeing) and her friends, Krysten and Ashley, came over Friday morning around 7:30am. Niickiey and I had actually gone and bought all the food the night before so we wouldn't have to do it that morning. So while Niickiey made pancakes, her friends and I played games on the Wii. They were there for quite a while; Ashley left at like 10 to go to school, but Krysten and Niickiey were there until noon or so when they had to leave to go to a tattoo shop with another friend of theirs.

The next day Niickiey came over with her best friend Alicia. We played more Wii, though Alicia didn't want to play, she was just laughing at us the whole time cause she'd never seen anyone play a Wii before and as many of you know, things can get a little crazy. Their friend Daniel came over and while I was showing him how to play, Niickiey and Alicia went and got us some ColdStone ice cream, who oddly didn't have any flavors that anyone of us wanted, including vanilla. Then we ended up going Cosmic Bowling until like 2am which was pretty fun. We didn't know what to do after that, and nobody wanted to go home, so we went back to my apartment and watched Reservoir Dogs. Daniel left afterwards, and Niickiey and Alicia stayed the rest of the night. I couldn't get to sleep at all because Niickiey and I were sleeping on the couch and not in the most comfortable position, and she didn't want to sleep in the bedroom because she didn't want to leave Alicia alone, which was weird cause we'd be 20 feet away... Finally around like 6am we went in the bedroom, but I still couldn't sleep, I guess just because I'm still not used to sleeping with someone else. Hopefully I can get rid of that soon... Alicia left around noon, after which I attempted to have some fun with Niickiey, and after wrestling with her for like half an hour, I gave up. I asked her why she had to be so difficult and she said I had to work for it, and asked me "haven't you ever had to work for it?" to which I didn't answer, lol. At the time I honestly did think she was being difficult, since all the wrestling led to nothing, but later I figured out that she just didn't want to be considered 'easy', which is fine with me, cause even wrestling is better than nothing at all.

That night I went to dinner with Stacy at Chili's, and then we played pool at Santizi Brothers. Monday I went to Dennis' for a barbecue. Was supposed to go to the movies later that night with Mike but he ended up canceling, so I think I went home and played Metroid, which is pretty good so far, and I might end up buying it instead of Lair/Warhawk, or at least in addition to it.

Didn't do shit today except play more Metroid and sleep.

Looking forward to next weekend (15th/16th) because a co-worker's birthday party is that Saturday night. Last year we had a fucking blast, and all the same people look to be coming this year, to the same place, so hopefully it'll be good times as well. Then the next day is the Seahawks/Cardinals game. My friend Ian from Washington (now lives in Long Beach, CA) is flying over to check it out along with myself and Dennis. A bunch of other friends will be there to, but not sitting with us.

'I'm holding on a rope, got me ten feet off the ground...'

Wow, these entries are getting few and far between. Well I've been doing really well the last couple weeks. Money's starting to trickle back into the bank thanks to a month and a half of working without a day off, until this last weekend, where I was mere hours away from losing my virginity when I decided not to go (completely) through with it, and instead to wait until I was sure I had a meaningful relationship with someone, whether it ends up being the girl I'm seeing now, or someone else later on down the road. More than one person has criticized me for making this decision but I think when it comes down to it, it's the right one for me.

But enough about that. Last Saturday I went to Dennis' youngest son's 7th birthday party. Had a great time swimming, eating pizza, and hanging out. Then on Sunday I went to the zoo with Stacy, and her friend Ally ended up coming as well, to my surprise. I never wrote about Ally, but she was at Stacy's birthday party last June, and long story short, she was quite attractive and I mentioned to Stacy later on that she should hook us up.

So anyways, when I heard she was coming I was pretty excited about it, but things didn't quite turn out the way I would've liked at all. To me, the day turned out fairly horrible as far as making an impression. I was tired from having worked the previous night; it was hot and humid as hell, even at 8:00 in the morning; I barely said a word the entire time we were walking around the zoo; and a lot of little things, that, to my constantly over-analyzing mind, just made the day seem to get worse as time went by. After we'd left the zoo, I was riding back with Stacy and told her all of this and she said she thought things went just fine, and they probably were, I just tend to stress out too much sometimes.

Here are the pics. Many of them didn't turn out as well as I'd like. I think this is mostly because I only brought my short lens, and most of the animals were a good distance away.

Got my vacation approved for this holiday season. I'll be flying up to Washington on November 16th, along with Mike who finally decided to come up with me. We'll be staying a couple days at my brothers, then the three of us will rent a car and drive to Montana on the 19th for Thanksgiving with my parents and other family members. Then we'll head back to Seattle on the 25th, and Mike will fly back to Phoenix the next day. I'm going to stay for another two weeks to celebrate my brother's 24th birthday on the 5th, and fly back to Phoenix on the 10th. All in all it comes down to 3.5 weeks of vacation, which is the longest I'll have been out of Arizona since I moved here 7 years ago, so I'm really looking forward to it because I hate this f'ing state.

No plans for this weekend just yet other than a Diamondbacks game, which I'm still not even 100% sure I'll be attending. Probably be signing up to work the weekend again.